This includes a combination of feedback from my peer reviewer and from Prof. N.

Peer Review

1.) My peer’s thesis statement is not inherently arguable because it primarily expresses a
personal opinion rather than making a clear and debatable claim. Awa could maybe say
“When immigrants move to a new country, they encounter many difficulties. However,
their determination and ability to adapt leads to personal growth and beneficial
contributions to the society.” In this thesis statement, there is a claim that immigrants
face challenges but also bring benefits to their new home.
2.) Awa first started her second paragraph, she stated , “In the beginning when David and
David mother, Genya, meet with David’s father, Albert at the port. At first sight Genya
wasn’t able to recognize Albert because he “looked so lean”(27) with his “mustache
shaved” (27)”.

• The way Awa started that paragraph lacks clarity , has formation issues and improper
  use of punctuation.
• I think she should’ve worded it more like this. “In the beginning of the story, when David
  and his mother, Genya, meet David’s father, Albert, at the port, Genya initially struggled
  to recognize Albert. He appeared much thinner and had shaved off his mustache.” In this
  revision, I clarified the relationships between the characters and made the sentence
  more specific.
• Overall that claim for the second paragraph does support the thesis statement.
  3.) The diction is not exactly clear. I think Awa should consider using tone in her essay.
  Make the characters appear more alive and to persuade the readers. Most importantly,
  select words and phrases that are persuasive and compelling. Use strong, vivid
  language to show emotions and create imagery.

4.) Awa take a clear position and presents evidence but I believe she needs a strong
argument to support her evidences and use more clarity so we understand what the
claim is about. For example , paragraph 3 she states, “As we peer more into Davids life
we come across seence where David is talking to his mom in yeddeish, fluently. Roth
portrayal of this is how how the words are written with perfect spelling in English.”

• The sentence is not clear about the specific scenes being referred to or the context of
  David’s conversation with his mother. Providing more specific details or examples would
  help clarify the meaning.
• I think Awa should consider using, “As we explore David’s life more deeply, we come
  across moments where he effortlessly talks to his mother in Yiddish. Roth effectively
  captures this by accurately spelling the Yiddish words in English.”

Lastly , Awa should do spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors check for her final essay. Her
claims are understandable but needs more clarity and section paragraphs in a order.

Feedback from Prof. N

Awa,

My fear here is that your paper topic and thesis is much too broad.  It’s not really an argument to say that Roth shows us immigrants’ challenges – that’s the subject of the book. 

It would help to go back to the drawing board and think again about the question your’e asking.  For example, maybe a question would be: How does David overcome the language barrier he faces in New York?  

The point you make about Roth’s presentation of Yiddish in the book is also fascinating. Maybe you could ask: How do Roth’s depictions of Yiddish in the book affect the reader or how do Roth’s depicvtions of Yiddish in the book reflect David’s experience of NYC?

Please reach out to me if you’d like to meet to discuss your paper.

Best,

Prof N