This includes a combination of feedback from my peer reviewer and from Prof. N.

Peer Review

1. My peer’s thesis is , “In both novels, ‘The loudest voice’ by Grace Peley and “Eli The Fanatic” by Philip Roth the protagonist both go through conflict between American culture and their Jewish culture, making them struggle through assimilation.”

• Her thesis statement is straight to the point, clear, and arguable.

2. “Eli wants to embrace being Jewish while Shirley wants to become Americanized.” 

• This is a good claim to make because I’m now curious to learn more about the characters and why they want to live their lives like this.

3. “Both Eli and Shirley grapple with the conflict of dual cultural identities. In “The Loudest Voice” Shirley was encouraged to participate in the Christmas play. “ “… Your teacher speaks highly of you, now listen to me, Shirley Abamowitz , if you want to take the part and be in the play, repeat after me.” 

• That’s a very good point where the analyst is effective because the play was about Christmas, this clashed with her Jewish heritage.

4. My peer hasn’t yet finished the conclusion but the introduction is straight to the point. Some modifications I’d say is to word the stories differently to be clearer.
5. My peer Awa should focus on some grammar changes such as the commas and some words as well.

Feedback from Prof. N

I think it’s important when thinking about these two stories to remember that the experiences of Eli vs. Shirley were quite different.  For Shirley, the conflict was between her and her mother over how much she should assimilate.  For Eli, the conflict is much more about self-identity/crisis of his own identity.  When considered together, these two different kinds of conflicts paint a picture of the kind of stresses the American Jewish community was under in the years following the Holocaust.  

Shirley’s experience reveals a fracturing/difference within families, while Eli’s experience indicates some of the struggles individual Jews faced when trying to figure out where to place their loyalties. He is torn between loyalty to the Orthodox world in light of the Holocaust and fitting into mainstream American life.

Your argument in this essay should take the different struggles these characters faced into account and what can be gleaned from those struggles about what the Jewish community was going through at the time.

I hope this helps you to think more about your paper.  We can speak more on Monday.

Feedback on First Draft

This is a good start. One thing to think about when considering these two stories together is that while Eli and Shirley both face conflcits, those conflicts are very different. Shirley struggles with what her family (her mother, specifically) will allow, while Eli’s struggle is more a crisis of self-identity.  Each of these characters deal with the question of who to be most loyal to differently.  By looking at the differences, you’ll be able to come up with a thesis about the impact of the war on Jewish American immigrants at this time.